Members may not have realised that under clause 3 of our beloved CONSTITUTION, it is suggested that the revered post of Chief Faartal can only be held by a person of the male persuasion. This could be an error of drafting, or indeed caused by excessive draught of one sort or another, but unless our constitution makes it clear that the male embraces the female, at least in terms of pronouns, we may be guilty of a form of discrimination that would not be tolerated in less important aspects of life e.g. employment.
If any Faartal sees fit to call an extraordinary general meeting to discuss this pressing topic, your Chief Faartal has checked that Kinder Scout is available this afternoon for an emergency debate. If the agenda allows, it would also be possible to discuss the finer points of cross-dressing in relation to the wearing of St Petronilla's shoes by a male Chief Faartal.
When drafting the Constitutuion, the concensus of opinion was that only the male gender could truly be considered for the post of Chief Faartal. Women may show signs of grumpiness but this is more spasmodic and can usually be put down to ‘a bad hair day’ or other chemical inbalance. Men however have raised grumpiness to a true art form which has no other contributing factor than our discontent with the world and nearly everyone in it.
We are not aiming to receive the EU kitemark for tolerance and understanding and indeed we do have an excess of female to male members on most walks – which may to some extent be the underlying cause of grumpiness in the first place. We therefore see ‘grumpiness’ as a way of restoring the natural balance.
Regarding the cross-dressing issue I can only say that we have no proof that St Petronilla was a woman. Red is a strong vibrant male colour proudly born by leaders throughout the world – and Manchester United. Our leader would have preferred the canary yellow of Norwich City but we were unable to find anyone in history who has led his troups into battle kitted out in yellow and green.
Here on Avondale Road we are not averse to a bit of dressing up as the pictures from recent parties will testify but in serious matters such as this we feel proud to be led by a chief in red shoes who has links – no matter how tenuous -to a Patron Saint who is at least an honorary male in the same category as Joan of Arc and Queen Elizabeth 1st.
Roger.